Sleep. It’s the thing we crave most as parents AND it can feel impossible to get enough of it.
If you’re like many of the parents I speak with online and in 1:1 consultations, you might find yourself buried in instagram posts or blogs about schedules, wake windows, or rigid rules like “feed, play, sleep.”
But - they’re NOT working, taking way too much effort and after all that - you know responsiveness is the way you’re going to approach sleep.
There’s good news! Improving sleep doesn’t have to mean sleep training. There are so many gentle, responsive ways to support your little one’s sleep (and yours) without limiting responsiveness.
Below, I’ve put together seven practical tips to help you start seeing positive changes and don't worry - they’ll all align with your responsive parenting values.
1. Follow Cues
Have you been trying to follow schedules, strict wake windows, or rules like "feed, play, sleep," but they just aren’t working? If so, you’re not alone. And oftentimes, these one-size-fits-all approaches make us feel more stressed, especially when they don’t align with our baby’s unique needs.
Instead, try ditching the rules and following your baby’s cues.
Look for signs of tiredness, hunger, or readiness for play, and respond accordingly. What have you got to lose by trying? You might just find that tuning into your baby’s individual rhythm makes everything feel easier.
And remember, YOU are your baby’s expert. You won’t get it right every time, but I can guarantee you’ll get it right more often than that downloadable sleep schedule.
2. Change Up Your Sleep Set-Up
Is your current sleep arrangement making responding easier or harder? It might be time to reassess. Could moving the cot (crib) into your room, embracing safe bedsharing, or even trying a floor bed make things simpler for everyone?
It’s okay if your set-up doesn’t match the ideal you once imagined. What matters most is that everyone gets the sleep they need. Sleep is a team effort, and being flexible doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
3. Optimise Sleep Regulators
Our sleep is governed by two main regulators: circadian rhythm (our internal 24-hour clock) and homeostatic sleep pressure (how tired we feel). From birth, we can start supporting these natural systems.
If your little one is experiencing excessive waking or other sleep challenges, it could be a sign that these regulators need some support. Think about bright light in the morning, a consistent wake time, and plenty of active play during the day to build healthy sleep pressure.
Remember: You can set everything up perfectly but if your baby or toddler’s sleep pressure is low - it’s going to be incredibly hard for them to fall asleep.
4. Layer Sleep Associations
Responsive sleep doesn’t mean you’re stuck doing the same thing forever. By layering new sleep associations on top of old ones, you can create more flexibility in how your baby falls asleep.
For example, if rocking is your go-to way of helping your baby fall asleep, you might start adding gentle back-patting and a soothing song in addition to the rocking. Over time, these new associations can become tools in your sleep toolbox, allowing others to help with bedtime or making it easier to slowly remove rocking (or whatever sleep association you'd like to move away from) and use your new sleep associations instead.
5. Cap a Nap
If bedtime is creeping later and later but your little one isn’t ready to drop a nap entirely, try capping their last nap. This can help bedtime shift back to a more reasonable hour (if that’s what works best for your families routines!) There is no perfect bedtime.
Alternatively, you could cap an earlier nap to make space for a longer final nap that doesn’t interfere with bedtime. Experiment and see what works best for your baby and your family’s rhythm.
6. Your Sleep Hygiene
Don’t skip this one!
While we can’t control every aspect of our baby’s sleep, we can take steps to improve our own. Sometimes, looking at your own sleep hygiene is just as important as supporting your baby’s.
Could you go to bed earlier, arrange for a morning sleep-in, or create a relaxing bedtime routine? Even small changes can make a big difference in how rested you feel.
7. Radical Acceptance
Sometimes, the most powerful shift isn’t about doing more but about accepting where you are. Parenting is full of seasons, and some are harder than others. Instead of fighting the season you’re in, try leaning into it.
Ask yourself: What can I take off my plate right now? How can I make this season feel a little lighter? Remember, this stage won’t last forever (even though I know it might feel like it right now).
Final Thoughts - Getting Better Sleep Without Sleep Training
Believe it or not, this is just a small list of things you can do to improve sleep without sleep training. But it’s a great place to start! By following your baby’s cues, adjusting your environment, and supporting natural sleep rhythms, you’re taking steps toward better sleep for everyone in your family.
You’re doing an amazing job. If the rigid schedules and “rules” don’t feel right for your family, they probably aren’t. It’s okay to ditch them.
Dr. Jessica Guy, Founder Infant Sleep Scientist
Hey there! I hope you enjoyed the blog.
I strive to provide as much free and high-quality evidence-based content as possible! I also offer products and services for more in depth education or support to optimise your and your baby’s sleep and well-being in a responsive and attuned way.
Signature Sleep Program: Baby Sleep Without the BS (0-18) HERE
Struggle Free Toddler Sleep Mini Course HERE
Gentle Night Weaning Guide HERE
Book 1:1 support HERE
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