Oops, You Drank the Sleep Training Kool-Aid (and so did I): Sleep Training Myths

Okay. I'm going to talk about some thoughts you've very likely had about your baby's sleep. And just know... I've had every single one of these too. Even if you know you don't want to sleep train, you've probably had these thoughts at one point or another. 

Sleep training culture is like that toxic friend who gets in your head and makes you doubt everything you know to be true😂 Just for fun, keep an honest count of how many of these thoughts you’ve had and let’s compare our numbers.

Alright, let's dive in. You've been impacted by sleep training culture if you've..

1. Felt like you were failing because your baby doesn't "sleep through" or ever for more than a few hours at a time.

Eek. That crushing feeling when other parents casually mention their baby sleeping 12 hours straight while yours is still waking every 2-3 hours. The guilt, the exhaustion, the wondering what you're doing wrong.

But here's what I wish someone had told me: frequent night waking is biologically normal for babies. Their small stomachs, rapid growth, and developing nervous systems are all designed for frequent connection with you. You're not failing, you're responding to your baby's genuine needs.

The "sleeping through the night" myth is one of the most damaging pieces of misinformation in parenting culture. Most adults don't even "sleep through the night" without getting up for a drink or a pee, or simply just to roll over. It is ridiculous to expect tiny humans with rapidly developing brains and no problem solving skills to do what we can't.

2. Considered stopping rocking, feeding, or otherwise helping your baby to sleep (even though it is working!)

Have you ever found yourself thinking, "Maybe I should stop rocking her to sleep" or "I probably shouldn't feed him to sleep anymore" even though it's working beautifully for your family, at least right now?

This is sleep training culture whispering in your ear. If something feels right, works for your family, and your baby is thriving, there's absolutely no reason to stop. Your instincts are telling you something important.

The idea that helping your baby sleep is somehow "wrong" is absurd. You're not creating dependency, you're building emotional security for your little one - which is amazing!

3. Delayed going to your distressed baby to give them an "opportunity to self soothe".

The phrase "opportunity to self soothe" makes my skin crawl. Babies don't self-soothe. Correction: CAN'T self-soothe. If your baby is distressed and you want to go to them, that's your parental instinct working exactly as it should. Trust it.

Self-soothing is a developmental milestone that happens naturally over time, not something you teach by withholding comfort. It's like expecting a baby to walk at 3 months old - it just can't happen.

4. Thought your baby has "negative sleep associations" because they rely on you to fall asleep.

Let me be clear: there's nothing negative about your baby associating sleep with comfort, safety, and connection with you. These aren't bad habits to break, they're signs of a secure attachment forming.

The term "negative sleep associations" itself is problematic; it implies that needing comfort to sleep is abnormal. But think about it - most adults have sleep associations too. We need our pillow, our blanket, our partner beside us. Why is it suddenly wrong when babies need their person?

5. Sleep training myth #5: Have ever had any thoughts at all where you tie your baby's sleeping patterns to your worth as a parent.

This might be the most damaging one of all. When you start measuring your parenting success by how “well” your baby or child sleeps, you're setting yourself up for unnecessary guilt and shame.

Your worth as a parent has nothing to do with whether your baby sleeps through the night. Your love, your responsiveness, your presence that signals safety; these are the things that actually matter.

Why are we all thinking the same things?

These thoughts are deeply rooted in Western ideals of infant sleep and sleep training culture, not infants' actual sleep and emotional needs (see my blog post . They're based on the flawed notion that uninterrupted and independent sleep is ideal for babies, even though it goes against their very biology and your parental intuition to provide nurture.

The sleep training industry has done an incredible job of making normal baby behavior seem problematic. Night waking? Problem. Needing comfort? Problem. Short naps? Problem. Feeding to sleep? Problem.

But what if I told you that none of these things are actually problems? What if they're just... normal baby behavior that serves important developmental purposes?

Where Do These Ideas Come From?

Sleep training culture didn't appear in a vacuum. It's rooted in broader cultural values that prioritise independence over connection, efficiency over responsiveness, and adult convenience over child development.

The emphasis on getting babies to sleep independently as quickly as possible reflects our society's discomfort with dependence and our obsession with productivity. We've somehow decided that babies who need their parents are "spoiled" and parents who respond to that need are "creating bad habits."

This is completely backwards from what we all know about healthy child development and secure attachment.

How to Challenge These Thoughts

Next time you catch yourself thinking any of these thoughts, try this:

1. Pause and notice: Where did this thought come from? Does it align with what you know about your baby?

2. Check in with your body: Does this thought feel right in your gut, or does it create tension and anxiety?

3. Consider the source: Is this coming from your own observation of your baby, or from external pressure and cultural messaging (i.e. social media)?

4. Reframe: Instead of "My baby should be sleeping through the night," try "My baby is communicating their needs, and I'm responding appropriately."

5. Fast forward: Think about this: You are lying on your deathbed. Are you saying “I wish I didn’t let my babies contact nap?” Or “I should have moved them to their own rooms earlier?” I really doubt it!

   
   

You're Not Broken. Your Baby's Not Broken.

The system that makes you feel like you're failing is what's broken. The culture that tells you responding to your baby's needs is "creating bad habits" is what's broken. Your baby's sleep patterns are communication. Your desire to comfort them is instinct. Your exhaustion is real, but it's not a sign of failure.

Sleep training culture wants you to believe that there's something wrong with normal baby behavior and normal parental responses. But the only thing that's wrong is a culture that expects babies to act like small adults and parents to ignore their instincts.

Moving Forward

Recognising that you've internalised some of these messages is simply about awareness! We're all swimming in the same cultural soup, and it's impossible to be completely immune to these messages when they're literally everywhere.

The goal is to notice when these thoughts come up and gently redirect yourself back to what you know to be true about your baby and your relationship. Trust your instincts. Follow your baby's lead. Respond to their needs. The rest is just noise.

Be sure to send this blog to a friend who needs to see these sleep training myths!

Dr. Jessica Guy, Founder Infant Sleep Scientist

---

Hey there! I hope this helped!

I strive to provide as much free and high-quality evidence-based content as possible! I also offer products and services for more in depth education or tailored support to optimise your and your baby’s sleep and well-being in a responsive and attuned way.

Find information about my 1:1 consults HERE

Baby Sleep Without The BS: A Science-Based and Relationship Focused Program for Better Sleep (0-18 Months) Self Paced Course HERE

Struggle Free Toddler Sleep Course HERE

Gentle Night Weaning Guide HERE

All Digital Products HERE